Why do I hide myself from you?
You know every inch of my body
with every inch of your own
You witness private habits and moods
that I discretely keep from public view
You, my chosen life mate and companion,
my love, I am ashamed
(don’t you see it?) I lie awake at night,
fantasize, make myself up grand dreams
of personal fame and romantic triumph
and as I hold another man in my
mind’s arms, I wonder if you asleep
can hear my thoughts
(you don’t suspect my schemes?) I am
embarrassed
Why keep myself awake with this
when I could be inventing new ways
of loving you?
This much I hold back
This much I am dissatisfied with you,
after all you’re not the
man of my dreams, my friend
my god, you’re the man of my reality
and in hiding I make us unreal
This disloyalty I confess
It’s painful to escape, desirable to be caught
Please wring the truth out of me
before I slip away, forgetting who we are